When we’re growing up, we’re taught that setting goals for ourselves is a good thing. By setting goals for ourselves, we’re incentivized to strive for the next level and become better at things.
Often when you’re younger, other people set goals for you and so you’re more detached from them. The English teacher sets a goal that Romeo and Juliet has to be read and summarized in 7 days for example.
Your parents tell you that by 7pm, you will have cleaned your room.
You probably didn’t put too much stock into these goals. They weren’t your goals. Whether you reached them or not, not all that much was going to change.
Also, because they were being set by others, they were always set in small, bite-sized chunks. No teacher ever says “learn everything for Grade 10” and then lets you run the show for the whole year on your own.
But once we’re older and we’re trying to do things for ourselves, now we’re in charge. We get to decide our goals. What they are. How long we have to reach them. How small they are. How much pressure we put on ourselves. How accountable we hold ourselves to work towards these goals.
What I’ve learned riding horses for almost 20 years now and also starting a business is that #1. Goals are only as useful as you make them for yourself and #2. If you misuse goals, you will make yourself miserable.
You may have heard of SMART goals? Personally I hate acronyms like this because I find they overcomplicate things and make a simple concept sound so “academic”.
The bottom line is that every goal you set for yourself has to be in your control. If you set goals outside of your control, you set yourself up to fail and to feel miserable about it.
Examples of bad goals:
- In the next 30 days, I’ll do my lead changes perfectly
- In the next 6 months, I’ll win that dressage competition
- I’m going to be able to jump 1/2 foot higher each month
What do all of these have in common? They are out of your control.
Examples of good goals:
- In the next 30 days, I will ride 4 times a week and practice my lead changes for at least 10 minutes each ride.
- Over the next 6 months, I follow a strict 4-day a week riding schedule practicing my routine, I will do some research on what previous winners have done and I will make sure I follow my workout routine 3 days a week to work on my fitness and balance.
- I’ll take weekly jumping lessons from a pro or experienced jumper and then I’ll practice my jumping 3 days a week to work on what I’ve learned.
I really hope you can see the difference and how this approach will still get you in the direction of what you’re hoping to achieve but in a way that’s it’s 100% in your control.
You can always feel good about “good goals” even if you don’t ultimately achieve what you hoped, whereas “bad goals” will always make you feel bad if you don’t achieve them regardless of how hard you worked or if you gave it your best effort.
– Martina 🐴